THE ART OF VULNERABILITY
In the past, I would have literally lost sleep worrying about how I could “keep the peace” relationally. Gavin helped me see that “making peace” is so much more important than “keeping the peace.” Some responded very well to this change in my behavior, and others criticized me as I began to challenge areas where I had the authority to speak into.
Gavin taught me the value of being myself (flaws and all), embracing the areas where I am strong while being willing to work on my weaknesses. I am so glad for these lessons.
2. Color does and doesn’t matter.
I am a middle-aged white male. I was born a white male, and that will never change. On the outside, I can be identified by the color of my skin, but I refuse to be labeled and lumped into a certain mindset.
Gavin is a younger black male. He was born this way, and that will never change. On the outside, he can be identified by the color of his skin, but he refuses to be labeled and lumped into a certain mindset.
In my relationship with Gavin, I learned that color does and doesn’t matter. It matters because it is a reality that cannot and will not change. It matters because, for me to truly have a meaningful friendship with someone of different skin color, I need to do my best to learn how the other person sees the world, or how others may see them. The trouble is that it can be different even among people who have the same skin color!
Our experiences, where we were raised, how we were raised, and what we have struggled with have shaped who we are. How we respond to it all and whether or not we are willing to learn from another’s perspective will determine how we decide to embrace those who “look” different than us.
Color doesn’t matter when it comes to the soul of who we are. We have all gone through great and difficult moments in relationship. Each of us has a different history. Not one of us has gone through the same exact experiences with the same exact perspective. We are all unique when it comes to our past and our present. Sure, we may all go through a similar external situation, but how we perceive and interpret this situation will be different with each person.
It can be difficult to see the world through the lens of someone else, especially with a different skin color, but color doesn’t matter when it comes to sin, eternity, and our need for Jesus. I will not pretend that I “know” or “understand” what it is like for a black man to walk through life experiences. Therefore, I ask. I listen. It is imperative that we ask questions and listen, truly listen, to the answers. When we cut through the weeds of our own perspective